don't threaten me with a good time.

i'm wearing my glasses. my hair is disappointing me.

i decided today that i’m moving to seattle in a year. i’m making long term hasty plans. maybe i made this decision today because its raining? i’m interested to see where i read this from in a year’s time. if it’s this desk, at this organization, i at least hope i have a new computer that i’m reading it on and i’ve gotten a significant pay raise. yo, you better be rich next time i see you girl. also, cut your hair. geeze.

 

An open letter to my moped

Mert,

Hey. It’s Abi. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, about us. When you first came into my life you filled a void that I had been feeling for years now. This longing I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Despite both of our flaws I knew that, with some work, we’d be a perfect match. A lot of people say it wasn’t meant to be. That you were too broken, too dead inside. I didn’t want to believe it. I saw something in you that no one else could see, a future. We’ve been together about four months now. I can’t believe how far we’ve come!We’ve both changed so much, it’s crazy. Who would have thought that you, a 35 year old Austrian and me, a 28 year old girl from Ohio, would make it this far? It’s been an amazing journey. There is only one problem. I feel like you’re not putting the same amount of effort and energy into this relationship that I am. I’ve put hours of blood, sweat and tears into fixing our relationship and you, still, just sit there… not reciprocating my best efforts… blatantly ignoring my feelings. I just need to feel like you still care. Like there is still a spark. I just want us to have adventures… to live and be young together. I just ask this of you, please try harder. I’ve invested a lot in this and feel like now it’s time for you to step up. I love you, it’s time to show me you love me back.

Always,

Abi

these are a few of my favorite ffffinds. (sing it like the sound of music)

i have this tattooed on me.

3/4 circle.

so in a few months it’ll be a year ago that i decided to jump on a plane the day before new years and ultimately change my life direction for the next nine months in a way that i never would have seen coming. i’ve driven across the country twice, each direction taking a different route with a different amazing friend. i’ve lost some friends, made some friends. fallen in and out of crush. laid in parks, on beaches, jumped in rivers, pools and on trampolines. I’ve seen Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Washington, Utah, Colorado, Nebraska, Arkansas, Pennsylvania (x2)… as well as gone to rallies in L.A., Ypsilanti, Ann Arbor, Chicago, San Luis Obispo and of course Cincinnati. Getting laid off last November was terrifying and possibly one of the best things that could have happened to me at that time.

so now i’m almost back where i started. living alone in cincinnati, working at a non-profit, finding reasons to go to target at least once a week. domesticity. but now i know that i can’t just sit around and wait for things to happen. i have to make them happen. i have to keep moving, even if it’s just within cincinnati or taking weekend trips. if i get bored then i need to find the new. next week i start a yoga/pilates class, i’m going to bars i’ve never been to, i’m meeting people that don’t look exactly like all my other friends, i’m trying to stay true to the friends i care about and let them know how important they are to me. i’m trying to be less selfish. by the time new years rolls around this year, i want to be a year smarter, kinder, more understanding, mature, and awesome than i was 365 days ago. i think i can do that.